Why Ed and Criminology Don't Mix
by Lune Nightingale
Summary: Just as the title says, this is a short drabble about why Edward Elric should never take a Criminology course.


Title: Why Criminology and Ed Don't Mix

Rating: PG for language at best.

Genre: Humor

Note: This was written out of pure amusement after attending a lecture for my Criminology class. The example that the teacher uses is the exact one that mine used. It just screamed for an Edward Elric reaction.

* * *

"Sir, I think it would be appropriate if we prepared our forces with the basics of Criminology. It would be beneficial..." The blonde trailed off as her eyes narrowed on the dark haired man sitting at his desk. Dark eyes were staring into space and it was obvious that he wasn't listening to her. "Sir..." 

Looking up at her with a sudden gleam in his eyes, Roy felt the small smirk slip over his lips. "Hawkeye... Would that class also be required for younger National Alchemists?"

Blinking in surprise, the young woman frowned as she carefully replied. "It could if you said it was sir... But what..."

"Fine, we'll have it then. Be sure and send a message to FullMetal to tell him that he needs to return to Central to take the course."

Almost reluctantly, Riza nodded her head. It was almost too obvious that he was up to something, and on her better judgement she decided not to ask. "Yes sir."

As she turned on her heel, the ebony haired officer turned to look out of his window. Reflected in the smooth panes of glass was a rather smug expression that caused his eyes to flicker to life. Oh but this would be entertaining to say the least.

The atmosphere in the room was stuffy and hot and there wasn't a single window present. If ever the feeling reminded one of a sardine can, it was this one. At least thirty people filled the seats crowding the room at long slender tables with notebooks resting on the wooden surface before them. Studiously many wrote in a flurry listening carefully to the man in the front of the room that tried hard to animatedly project his lesson to his literally captive audience.

"Now, the causes of crime can be attributed to a few different aspects researched by theorist. The first we are going to cover is that of biology."

"What does crime have to do with biology?" One particular small blonde grumbled as his pen idly scribbled on the notepad in front of him. Boredom oozed from his golden eyes as agitation colored his tone of voice.

"That's an excellent question Elric-san. First of all, let me give you an example of a situation." The teacher smiled lightly before turning his attention to the entire room. "If a person is 4'3" and weighs 75lbs, it is unlikely that he'd walk up to a man taller than him and say 'Hey, give me all your money or I'll take you down'."

For the moment, the teacher seemed pleased with his explanation, but as he opened his mouth to add another instance an eruption cut him off. "WHAT THE HELL DOES SIZE HAVE TO DO WITH IT!"

Blinking in amazement, the man merely held up a hand to try and calm the now rabid blonde. "Now Elric-san, a small person isn't likely to get involved in armed robbery..."

He never finished as the petite boy slammed a hand into the desk almost breaking it in half. "WHOSE SO SMALL THEY CAN'T EVEN STAND A CHANCE AT ROBBING AN OLD MAN THAT CAN BARELY WALK?"

"E-Elric-san... I didn't say..."

"You're wrong sensei!"

Al sat quietly on the couch as nimble fingers turned the page of his novel. Attentive eyes of bright bronze slid over the printed words only to halt as the door swung open with a loud bang. Blinking in surprise, he looked up to see his brother marching in anger flaring in his liquid gold eyes. Tentatively he spoke up careful not to set the elder sibling off if at all possible. "Oh... was the class helpful niisan?"

"AL! We're going into crime!"

"Ni-Niisan!"

Riza's eyes widened as she looked at the report in her hand. Looking a bit perplexed, she barely noticed the taller figure peering over her shoulder in curiosity. "What does it say Hawkeye?"

Lifting her gaze to her superior, she hesitated a moment before speaking in her normally cool tone. "It seems the instructor we brought in is quitting. He's also..." Balking on the next part, Mustang couldn't tell if she were appalled or actually amused by the next portion. "He also recommends that the National Alchemist Edward Elric be admitted to anger management counseling."


End file.
